my left shoulder

It's been a bit o' time since my last post, and in my last few musings I made no mention of the accident I had nearly two months ago that injured my left shoulder. Thinking back, I realized that I was in some serious denial about my injury. I didn't want to think about what I did (fell off a tall chair I was standing on in our basement, landing on the cement floor in a way that jerked my shoulder back), how I could be so dumb (idiotic, reckless, boneheaded) to stand on a chair to reach something too tall for me (I'm still fighting the harsh self talk, can you tell?), really embarrassed that I would be so out of my body that I would lose my balance and fall (I'm a yogini after all! I'm supposed to have a high level of body awareness!) and that I didn't want to talk about it (except when I couldn't help but compulsively talk about it to anyone who would listen), write about it, or, hardest of all, admit that I had hurt myself. I couldn't lift my left arm above my shoulder, to the front or to the side, and I couldn't reach my left arm across my body to unhook my seat belt or wash my hair. AND it hurt. Pretty consistently when I tried to lift or turn my arm. Never the less, I continued to practice my daily sadhana (one armed) and teach my yoga classes (one armed).

Incidentally, one thing I learned was that in general, my students watch me more than they listen to me -- I would say, "inhale your arms up to the sky." I would only raise my right arm, and then, looking at my students, they would all raise their left arm! (They were mirroring me.) Then I would say, "Raise BOTH your arms up to the sky". They would continue to raise one arm, until I reminded them that I couldn't raise both my arms, but they could and they should. Good to know that my language skills may be less important than I thought.

Back to my shoulder saga, if you are still awake (yawn. Isn't it boring to hear about someone elses injury?) I eventually went to see a doc with a syringe, and he gave me a big ol' shot full of cortisone, and within 24 hours I was mostly better. That was nearly two weeks ago, and though I still have some twinges after too much practice, I am profoundly relieved and appreciative that I am healing without the necessity of more invasive intervention.

One thing that I realized while I was in pain and restricted in my ability to use my arm was that I could practice yoga one armed and still find plenty to practice. Was I worried, angry at myself, resentful and freaked out that I might have really done it this time? Yes, sometimes. But there were plenty of other times when I simply accepted that this was how I was showing up on my mat, and I found I was able to be gentle and accepting with myself, both physically and emotionally.

Another thing I realized was that learning to practice yoga with restrictions and limitations gives me more insight into how others with restrictions and limitations can also practice yoga. I think this will help me be a more inclusive and supportive teacher, and though I may have liked to learn this lesson without falling off a chair, I'm not one to reject a gift, however it makes its way to me. In the words of Bill Murray in Caddyshack, as he discusses his reaction to the Dali Lama wishing him, on his deathbed, total consciousness: "So I got that goin' for me, which is nice!"

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On that note, happy happy new year to you. I wish you health, happiness, peace, and many opportunities in 2009 to be of service to others, and to devote a little time each and every day to notice the beauty around you.
Namaste