stillness & wobble

In morning sadhana today I found my mind turning to the concept of stillness. I often start the meditative part of yoga practice by "coming into stillness" in order to connect with my inner landscape. My body, mind, emotions and breath quietly explored, witnessed and accepted. I was happily aware on a conscious level today that even in "stillness", there is movement. On an obvious level, the expansion and contraction of my lungs, the beating of my heart, and the blood pulsing through my veins are all measurable expressions of movement. Then, on a more subtle level, the cranial sacral fluid's gentle ebb and flow informs a deeper experience in my body. Continuing towards deeper, less measurable sensations, there is the slight vibration in and around my body created in my nervous system as the 100 billion neurons in my brain fire messages through out my body. Sometimes when I look at photographs of fabulous yogis and yoginis in magazines and catalogues my ego gets sucked in, and a little undermining voice in my head starts in..."oooh, so pretty! So perfect! So flexible! So young!" Well, I'm not any of those things, but the voice comes up, and why does it? There is so much pressure on women in our culture to perfect the outer version of ourselves, often at the direct expense and hardship of our beautiful and complex inner lives. Just as our earth wobbles on it's axis, some days I wobble through my practice. When I remember that the "still" image of a photograph is as far from real as it can be, I am able to come back to my own body, my own self, my own internal experience of yoga. This inner experience of yoga, and the sometimes wobble-y outer expression in asana feeds and informs my inner light, opens and softens my heart, and gives me the strength to accept who I am everyday, on and off the mat.